Friday, May 30, 2008

An [pleading] Open Letter to a Tourist...

Hi there. How are you doing? Summer's here. Whenever summer rolls around, I can't help but think of the multiple tourist destinations I have lived in before. Summer is the season of the tourist. So, I wanted to pass along a few different tips. Each is kind of location specific.




A. Gettysburg, PA: Oh, how we welcome tourists. I certainly don't want to offend anyone coming here to spend their money. I've lived in enough areas dependent on tourism dollars. I don't want to be mean to the tourist. But... ummm... could you please, please do me a favor? When you're driving on the Battlefield Roads, please pull over to the right to look at the monuments. If you don't pull-over, and you see a crazed looking woman in a mini-van behind you... chances are, she's not truly insane. Just late getting her son to soccer, school, or somesuch. And you're doing approximately four miles an hour. In the middle of the road. Forever. Thank you.

Local Recommendation: And please visit the Blue Parrot Bistro while you're here. I'm not getting paid for this promotion- it's just good. They're just off the square a bit.



B. Lake Placid, NY. A beautiful town. I'll wildly plug Lake Placid and the Adirondacks. This is where Rich and I met and had two of our kids. If you haven't visited up-upstate NY, you should. However if you do, please:




1. If you arrive in Lake Placid to train for the Ironman Triathalon, please be a polite biker. When your biking on Route 86 between Wilmington and Lake Placid, please don't ride in the middle of the road. I know you're fast. Really, I get it. You are still not as fast as a desperate mother trying to get home, or to work, or to daycare. When you get to "the notch"- the REALLY narrow part, right on the river- please don't ride three bicyclers across. At four miles an hour. Forever.



2. This request just in from a friend up there. When you're taking a local back road, and you see a deer, please do not park in the middle of the road. Particularly if you are blocking the road so you can get out and take a picture of the now long gone deer. Please. It could be a crazy woman behind you who is coming home from work and doesn't want to work anymore and she's ready to snap and I can't say what's going to happen. So, yeah, please don't park in the middle of the road. Pull over.



Local Recommendation: If you would like to visit the Adirondacks, let me know. I can tell you where to stay. Again, I'm not getting paid for it, but I used to work at the Mirror Lake Inn. Heck, I'll even type out their web site for you: http://www.mirrorlakeinn.com/ . If you can afford it, they are very good at what they do. I do also know less expensive choices, too.




C. Lake George, NY. So, Lake George is the soft version of the Adirondacks. Pretty but full of tourists and tourist shops. Let's say you decide to eat at- oh -a Howard Johnson's there. And in this hypothetical situation, let's say you are a very large man. A very large man with an almost pelt like covering. If you are this man, please, for the love of God, do not come in for lunch wearing a tank top, speedos and sandals. Because you're fourteen year old waitress? She's going to be traumatized for at least twenty years. I'll let you know if it goes longer.

Local Recommendation: If you want to see the Lake George area, The Sagamore is nice. Again, not paid for promotion.


So, thank you. I appreciate your time. I'll see you out at The Parrot some night. Do you also live in a tourism area? Have a tourism pet peeve? Please let me know! Play nicely. Tourists are a valuable, renewable resource.

And hey, umm...hotels. I'm open to paid promotion. Comp room nights. We can talk.

9 comments:

Gettysburg Mom said...

so, I googled Gettysburg Tourist to see how accessible my letter would be to tourists.... and after page 44 gave up. Then, I googled Gettysburg Family Tourisy. Right there. We're all about the family.

John A. Magee said...

If you're coming to see the scenery in Detroit ... oh, um ... well ... never mind. We just ask that you all drive brand new American-made SUVs to wherever it is that you all do plan to drive 4 mph in the middle of the road. Thank you.

John A. Magee said...

BTW, Susan, that last comment doesn't apply to you and your clan. You can drive whatever old foreign vehicle you want and we'll take you to see lots of cool stuff, then enjoy margaritas on the lake.

However, if you think tourists driving in the middle of the street at 4 mph makes you nuts, I should warn you that we have women walking beagles in the middle of the street at 2 mph around here.

thediaperdiaries said...

NOt a lot of tourists here. However I can't think of a time where driving 4 miles an hour is ever acceptable. Step on it people!!

Whirled said...

I live in small town Kansas and we have...hold on to your hat...the Oz Museum. Yes, you read that right...a museum about the Wizard of Oz...in Kansas. The creative minds of some people.

Anyways, my advice to you tourists... come here, come here, come here...please...

City Mouse said...

Hello from the Adirondacks! Essex County is right where you left it, Gettysburg - and we're waiting for you. Please give me a holler if you are ever up here.

I actually ust got back to the city, and am heading back up to the ADKs next week. I think my friends who own Summer businesses would agree with your post ... and the comment above - "Come here, come here, come here...please!"

Happy Summer, Gettysburg!

speedymac77 said...

Oh dear...I understand we in "upstate NY" - ADK's have beautiful scenery like nothing else in the world! We've been a tourist destination for...well, forever! The "seasonal locals" (somehow they believe they can retain that title of being a local when they escape from the -30 winters for 8 months of the year only to return to their "camp" - accessiable by boat only) irk me to no end.

Muffy...did you get more port for dinner tongiht?

Yes, I too worked in the hospitality industry and was worn out! Ever been to Disney where you let your children eat ice cream at 9am? That's now it is here...no rules. Sue, you didn't mention Horse Shows!! Don't you remember house shows?

Please visit. Be a courtious driver and human being. When you go, leave no trace that you were ever here.

Gettysburg Mom said...

I've blocked the trauma of horseshows. I can't hear you. La la la la la la...

Sue said...

Actually here in the "Brandywine Valley" of PA we do get our share of tourists - especially to Longwood Gardens. Busloads and busloads and busloads of Asian Americans. Busloads. With freakishly large visors.